Ego states & how they work. Understanding the ‘WE’ that makes my ‘I’.

There is the saying which goes: “You can choose your friends but not your family”. Interesting is that this same saying applies to your ‘internal family’. So what exactly do I referring to, when I talk about your internal family?

Your ego states or internal family, is the different parts of yourself. For example I’m sure there are times in your life when you feel happy and positive and ready for life, the ‘go getter’ in the family. There are also times when you feel afraid and unsafe, more like ‘a vulnerable child’. Moments when you impress yourself with the adult and fair way, you deal with tricky situations, the “healthy adult member”. Others when you regret flying off the handle and getting angry, the ‘angry member’.

Your internal family is unique to you, but also strangely similar to everyone else’s. Truth told, you have a collective ‘WE’ which makes up your ‘I’. You are probably thinking, “Great but how does this help me?”

Improving your relationship and understanding of yourself, results in improved wellness. Reduces stress, anxiety, feelings of disconnect or loneliness and improves interpersonal relationships. It also gives you the opportunity to decide which parts of yourself you would like to see more of and which parts of yourself you would like to turn down. So you are able to improve your over all performance and reduce ‘uncomfortable feelings’.

Sounds good. Remember life is a process of growth and change. Take time to invest in yourself and support yourself on your life journey.


  1. Martin Heydorn at

    Thanks for all the help. it meant the world to me

    1. hvanstenis at

      Thank you for your kind words. Take care, Hayley.

  2. Martin Heydorn at

    As a grain farmer, harvest time is one of the most satisfying times of the year, literally to reap what I sow. However it goes without saying that it is also one of the most stressful. In over 25 years in the game, I was always short tempered and somewhat grumpy, during this period ask my family, they may even add a few stronger words THANK YOU HAYLEY. My family did not know me like this in harvest time, nor did I, totally calm and relaxed despite the pressure. I was able to put the stress person in me away before coming home and managed to keep it like that during the whole harvest. At home the Martin everybody knows was there, not an old grouch. I cannot express sufficient gratitude.


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